1. 29 December 2011 · 12:06 PM · 3 notes

    Don’t know where I’m going, where I belong…

    So…this will be one of my first actual blog-type entries on this site. I’m a writer, so if I go a little crazy, don’t kill me. :)

    Where do I start?
    Do you ever have those extreme feelings of paranoia, so much so that you can’t even think about anything else for a split second or focus on what needs focus?
    I’ve had those a lot recently…
    I think I’m going crazy.
    I literally, no lie, ran straight into my wardrobe today,
    and the sad thing is,
    I knew it was there.
    It’s not like it had magically moved in the past couple of minutes,
    no, the only thing that had moved was my brain.

    My brain is out for vacation,
    and it didn’t tell me when it’s coming back.
    There’s no sign on my forehead that says, “Be back at 4:00” or anything,
    I’m at a loss.

    I’m going insane here.
    I’ve been so paranoid lately that I can’t even concentrate.

    But what I have to wonder is,
    why do I attract all the creeps?
    Why am I so unintentionally irresistible to the people that I hate the most?
    Why is it that the people I DO like don’t like me?
    Why am I like the flame for all the pervy-creeps out there?

    It’s torture waking up everyday,
    and expecting someone to turn on me again.
    No one in this world is who they seem,
    and I’m always the one who trusts someone,
    but gets hurt in the end.

    I’m that girl in the corner who let herself fall head over heels for a guy,
    only finding out months later that he’s a complete jerk.
    I’m that girl that no matter where I am,
    all the people I DON’T want following me, follow me.
    I’m that girl who can’t help being unpopular,
    because the unpopular people love me too much to let me go.
    I’m that girl that could have more friends,
    but just doesn’t see any point in trying.
    I’m that girl that you see every day,
    that girl that you’ve always talked about,
    that girl that you’ve always wondered about,
    that girl that only wants to break free of her shyness,
    that girl that needs someone to reach out,
    that girl that’s trying harder.

    Please God, don’t let me end up being an epic fail.
    I want to be good in your eyes.
    I want to mean something to someone.
    Heck, I want to mean something to everyone.
    I want to touch people’s lives.
    I want to find hope in everyone, whether they deserve it or not.
    I want to stand up for what I believe in, without putting other people down.
    I want to be that girl that everyone admires,
    because she’s so undeniably strong,
    and she can take on the world.

    Let me be that girl.

    Please?